parkBear words

Why I Don’t Swim!

2012-02-06T00:14:00.000-08:00

The floods came slowly that year.

And we played a masochistic game of ‘What’s the time Mr Wolf’.
We knew that they were coming but when we turned our back
all was still and we ignored the creeping waters.

There had been floods before and lives lost but each new wave brought with it a fresh sense of urgency fresh fear
and a fresh frozen will.

I would often spend the days leading up to the drownings, watching the CALIFORNIA BOYS
and the CALIFORNIA BABES surf the swelling blue ocean

with such a sense of

abandonment.

I was jealous that they had found their Zen amongst the chaos of the water
or maybe they were just acting.

I had always been a decent swimmer.

Some of my favourite early memories are composed of swimming in the indoor
heated Maidevale Pools.
I remember being intoxicated with the chlorine.

Amongst my memorabilia are certificates of achievements from those lessons:
25 meters was a long way for me back then worthy of recognition.

However

my earliest memories of the sea were not so pleasant.

A summer holiday to Rottnest Island On the first day of beachside frivolities
my fair young skin was pounded by the sun
for the rest of the holiday I was imprisoned in our cabin

not being able to sit or lie down for the tennis ball sized
blisters all along my back.

I felt like the Elephant Man.

I have decided that swimming pools make a mockery of the sea.

They capture it. Contain its chaos. Water within becomes poisoned with the regret of being captured in the first place.

However

I have learnt to respect the sea and I garner wisdom from the grace of its eternal movements.

But I never swim within knowing that a rage lies beneath
a fraternal rage
for all its imprisoned comrades.

Waiting for the opportune moment to rise and devour us all.

Haymarket ( Zeks Lyric)

2011-06-26T23:29:00.000-07:00

Oh and we say
We're not broken, we're not broken
On Haymarket day
when we revoked them, when we revoked them

Oh and we hail
All our rebellions, our rebellions
Our martyrs hang
for your freedom, for your freedom

Oh and we say
We won't follow, we won't follow
On Haymarket day
your power's borrowed, your power's borrowed

Oh and we sing
We won't follow, we won't follow
Hope will spring
on our tommorows, our tommorows

Your power's borrowed
We won't follow

Goests- Zeks lyric

2011-03-08T17:33:00.000-08:00

Feel the amulet in your hand
You don't have to understand
From your palm smell the jasmine
Hear the bohdi start to sing
and it's all we've ever been
and it goes from go to be
and it's all we've ever been
and it goes from go to be
and it's all we've ever been
and it goes from go to be

satsanga

And the galaxy of angels
and the angles they entangle
and the galaxy of angles
and the angels they entangle

satsanga

and the ghosts of the december
and the lives that we remember
and the spirits that we render
and it all goes from go to be
and the ghosts of the december
and the lives that we remember
and the spirits that we render
and it all goes from go to be

for the things we cannot see
when the ghosts begin to bleed
join the fellowship of truth
with the amulet in your hand
and you don't have to understand
and you don't have to understand
cos it goes from go to be
and it goes from go to be
and it goes from go to be
and it goes from go to be

The Departure

2011-02-08T21:32:00.000-08:00

I wish you a peaceful vessel to travel
I wish you calm for your next voyage
May gentle winds guide you to charity
Our joyful, blessed, barmy boy

These painful things that you do teach us
Can guide us to grace if we practice
Be the splendor of each moment
Be the splendor of it all

Thrust

2010-12-19T23:36:00.000-08:00

All revealed the mercenary
Honour cast, compassion buried

Cos lust has crawled into the house
No longer a timid, tiny mouse
Once this carpet stained a boy
Now incandescent, naked joy

Soften cement
Feel it gush
The scent of intent
The breathless hush
The rhythm of lust
The iron from the rust
The momentary must
The Textural, carnal, corporeal, primal trust
Thrust

New Language (Zeks lyric)

2010-11-29T10:23:00.000-08:00

Found my conviction
Syphon me fiction
Diction my instincts
Shout my linguistics
I hear the sound of the lion forming
I hear the sound of the lion forming

No silent nation
No alexithymia
Start my own fires
Be the town crier
No silent nation
No silent nation
No silent nation
No silent nation
I found my salvation
I found my salvation
I found my salvation
I found my salvation
Silence is sacrilege
Silence is sacrilege
Silence is sacrilege
Silence is sacrilege
What I do to forge
What i do to forge
What I do to forge
What i do to forge
This new language
This new language
This new language
This new language

Zek's lyrics

2010-10-30T23:30:00.000-07:00

POP

I've been waiting patiently for... silence
Thought I had a taste of the... forgotten
Did you bring the things we need... to sell out
or should I fall asleep and dream... of Orwell's hell
and all is well
in Orwell's hell

Thought that we were dancing on the... ramparts
and George had filtered out all the... bad parts
Thought that we were shaking all the...good hearts
or did I fall alseep and dream... of Orwell's hell
and all is well
in Orwell's hell

AUTHORITY

Bring me the head of your authority
Bring out the priests for one last time
Last rites are said, you are no use to me
A rancid zit on our behinds

Say yeah
Say yeah
Say yeah
Say yeah

Bring out the seeds of our history
Pull out the weeds and let them die
Bring out the bands for a symphony
We'll dance, we'll sing, and we'll defy

Say yeah
Say yeah
Say yeah
Say yeah
We're coming to get you
You better run
You better run
And kill your authority
And kill your authority
And kill the authority
inside of me

MISHIMA

Oh Mishima, oh Mishima, oh Mishima don't spill your guts
Oh Mishima, oh Mishima, oh Mishima don't spill your guts
Oh Mishima, oh Mishima, oh Mishima don't spill your guts
Oh Mishima, oh Mishima, oh Mishima don't spill your guts
Find a boy that you can love
And find the boy that you have lost

Oh Mishima, oh Mishima, oh Mishima don't spill your guts
Oh Mishima, oh Mishima, oh Mishima don't spill your guts
Oh Mishima, oh Mishima, oh Mishima don't spill your guts
Oh Mishima, oh Mishima, oh Mishima, oh Mishima
Drop that bomb all on the page
Don't draw that sword all in your rage

Let the cherry blossoms fall
and let the cherry blossoms fall

Oh Mishima
He didn't mean it
First slice's the deepest
The worlds gone modern
It's all so modern
Oh Mishima
Oh Mishima
Oh Mishima

NEANDERTHAL

Give a man a gulag
Give a man a gulag
Give a man a gulag
He don't wanna be, don't wanna be free

Give a man his violence
Give a man his violence
Give a man his violence
He don't need, he don't need society

Shut your windows, lock your doors, for we are just neanderthals
We will rape and pillage you all, cos we are just neanderthals
Pay your taxes, save your gold, for we are just neanderthals
Trust the state to save your souls, but we are just neanderthals

We need your prisons
We need your laws
We can't be trusted
Cos we are neanderthals
We need your asylum
We need your walls
We need your borders
Cos we are neaderthals

COMPASSION

Compassion for everyone x4
Collapsing titanium x4
Your glamour forms staligmites x4
And time will lead you to yourself, yourself, yourself

Tao

When I was a small boy, I'd walk down to the well
and I would fall into your path, fall into your path
I'd watch the haunted willow tree, soften to meet the ocean's breeze
It all falls into your path, falls into your path
When I was a small boy, I'd walk down to the well
and I would fall into your path, fall into your path

room beside

2010-02-02T00:30:00.000-08:00

in the room beside
is a better version of me
i hear his trot echo with a rythm on the floorboards

in the room beside
my concience calls
but i can only hear the shape of its paternal words

in the room beside
my daydreams waltz
i sense movement all muffled by this rocks crud

in this room inside
the wallpaper is torn
and the splintered walls are exposed like shame

the worm from phoenix

2009-12-10T21:24:00.000-08:00

it's been hard to find a place to breathe
the proximity of gravity has collapsed the air
and the activity of the fallacy of busy bees
tests my capacity to stand

the fool wears a mockery of himself
a firelight shadow on the sheltered rough of these cave walls
so i've banished form
let substance turn
and they punish the absence of concrete existence
but i've dug up my pavement as my little resistance

yeah the city is a prison
but i've got my own cage
i wear barbed wire
and toss myself onto the pyre of perth
the ashes of the mall
carbonate the dirt
i might rise like worm to the surface again

yeah worm was a man in form alone
behind curtains he digs his hole
and they say he only sees the winter sun
at least his highways are still moving
transferring history to city hall
and the town crier still wears his barbed wire

charm a song and worm might rise to the sky
seek out an open space in stasis
drop the bomb of nothingness
and worm will sing in harmony
a ukulele on the wind for an eternity

Billy Brown's ballerina

2009-10-24T20:44:00.000-07:00

and i want you to know everything
i want you to hear all my albums
everything
that i have ever articulated
all the subtleties of my wit
i want you to get it
to understand me now
like you are me
like i want you to be
a mirror without the abstract
the source of me without the fragmented ego

and i wanted you to fit this profile
to be memorable in this cute little indie flick that i have directed in my head, a role that we can talk about incessantly at parties when someone mentions 'oh i liked that film'
like Billy Brown's ballerina

i want you
like it's a crime
property is theft and all that
like i want control of your will, your actions, your heart
to fit my fascist little fairy tale
like i have bought into the kiss of happy ever after
like there is something else i care about
like i have spent my days waiting for something else but you
like i have worked out a way to live without your mythology
like i have balance

and i place my faith in the same god everytime
a competition
like i have never surpassed the AFL accounting games i would play in Homeswest bedrooms

but i still want you
to act opposite me
my Rebecca Keating
you will be you
but i am addicted to this god
and the only thing i can articulate myself to... is you
the only thing i can hold... is you
and i hate you hope
you are a drawn out noose
you strangle me slowly
and maybe i like it
but in the end all i want... is to hold your hand and for you to choose... me

The Chimes of Cottesloe

2009-10-20T01:40:00.000-07:00

The anxiety for the things unsaid
unattached
unintent
chimes of this chrome basin
and the echoes in my head

The anxiety for the things not done
negated desire
negative bloom
the sighs of this fallow wasteland
the elephant in our room

I meditated on this previously
and I role played your reply
premeditation
flow of our river has been jaded
I anticipated
but I will patiently wait
hope for another date
another time to hold your hand

Give me your stage and I will say it
you radiated in that dress
hold out your crowds and I will preach it
my awe of you all, but I won't confess
no I won't confess
like a sinner-man in his Sunday best
next time I will say it
climb to the crest of the world
and I will shout like a mother-fucker
scream like a mother-fucker
ask you without a stutter
will you hold my hand?

rosettes for your god (arundel st theme)

2009-09-30T21:54:00.000-07:00

1913, bricks are laid
arundel home is made
a fire for your slumber
a fire for your slumber
a fire for your slumber
rosettes for your god

10 arundel st
i met a whole city there
count the dozens meet
fell into lives from everywhere
i'll leave this home
with all my insecurities gone
the vines and its birds
are in my view
i seek a new place
take with me arundel's grace
and the warm inflation of my heart

a fire for your slumber
a fire for your slumber
a fire for your slumber
rosettes for your god

true woman

2009-09-16T09:12:00.000-07:00

walking down the promenade
it ain't that hard to see
uncivilized people
walking
alongside me

hard as concrete
soft as soil
skin makes contact
girl meets boy

freckled and unaffected
red hair and far above
blue ribbon in solidarity
true woman
true woman

eternal sun of memories
bloated with hope gone
unaffected insecurity
true woman
holds the gun

grey and brown
all over this town
burn it to the ground
with kerosene
freeze and she passes
she's been taking her classes
in idle obsolescence
she pitched her tent
on my lawn
she's been there
since dawn
waiting for
waiting for

freckled and unaffected
red hair and far above
blue ribbon in solidarity
true woman
true woman
true woman
true woman

jacqueline (with a french accent)

2009-09-16T08:57:00.001-07:00

a violent shade of violet
a subtle shade of red
nicotine and perfume
liberties are left

a painted face of memories
crayoned in deep blue
a social sense of solitude
is not how i will meet you

just for one nite
and i will remember your name
will you get your satisfaction
if i just hold your hand

too drunk to stand
too tired to sit down
what happened to the notion
of slowly burning ground

i don't just wanna fuck
i just don't wanna fuck

little screams

2009-09-16T08:42:00.000-07:00

little screams
little screams
little screams
we have a history
when we said no
when we let go
of their metal bar fears

little glimpse
little glimpse
little glimpse
of a community
we left footprints
yes we left footprints
we have our glorious years

we danced in Paris
brothers and sisters our name
made love on La Ramblas
and we became
fucked and federated

we stood up at the Kronstadt
stood up in Prague
stand up in this moment
stand up in this bar

on top of that hill i see
on top of that hill i see
on top of that hill i see
glorious Anarchy

wwUdo?

2009-09-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

when they come for us
and they will
when they come for us
what will you do?
when they come for us
and they will
when they come for us
what will you do?

i can't run
what will you do?
i won't run
what will you do?
i can't run
what will you do?
i won't run
what will you do?

the drunk men
in the street
wheelchair babies
without their feet
tuxedo men
with dinner plans
lunatic ladies
still hanging on
still singing the same old song
still singing the same old song
still singing
still singing
we're still singing
when they come for us
and they will
when they come for us
what will you do?
when they come for us
and they will
when they come for us
what will you do?
what will you do?
what will you do?

platform

2009-09-16T08:14:00.000-07:00

if you were this taste
and i were this breathe
when you are a triumph
when i'm not afraid of death

all the safe permutations
relationship math
watch with innocent stupor
take it back
my histories craft

if i'm perfectly honest
and if you're still around
when you're taken and laid out
when you quake from my sound

and i can't believe
that this is the scene
when all my blisters
form from deep
guess i've been smelling
your scented breathe
in the shadow of death
building these cathedrals
of intent
and it's the triumph of
our tired eyes
the triumph of
our tired eyes

(spoken word bit)
the train comes in
i can feel the terrorism
in the community announcement
be on the lookout
be on the lookout
for yourself

if you were this fist
if i were on your list
when control is familiar
hope there's a time
when i might be seeing ya
strange to think
it hurts
to think
i might not be seeing ya
and all the petty little squabbles
and all the pissy worn out days
hope there's a time
when i might be seeing ya
hope it's a glorious day
just like today

and i can't believe
that this is the scene
when all my blisters
form from deep
guess i've been smelling
your scented breathe
in the shadow of death
building these cathedrals
of intent
and it's the triumph of
our tired eyes
the triumph of
our tired eyes
the triumph of
our tired eyes
the triumph of
our tired eyes

inhabit this portrait
this vacated portrait
inhabit this portrait

sacred land

2009-09-16T08:07:00.000-07:00

respect this sacred land
please respect this sacred land
this land of time (with no end)
knowing
i know nothing here

respect this family
please respect this family
cos this family, this family tree
reaches way deep down
into this sacred ground

?yhw

2009-09-16T07:51:00.000-07:00

when i sleep i watch a movie with a primal man strolling up a dirt track, pulling fruit out of trees and drinking water from the streams
i slug my feet along bitumen up to the supermarket

when i sleep i hear someone singing a constitution, where there are no strangers and there is no separation and no frozen choices

i drink in public
converse with a man not from this land
he is timid
tribbles with the motion of the movement along this journey without a map of our customs
he asks my permission
why?

simpatico

2009-09-16T06:52:00.000-07:00

but i've wet my lips in anticipation as you casually dropped your opined fact that i'm fantastic. trying to stop the creation of my fiction. /expectation/ not to burden these exchanges with expectation. what is attraction? the intent within? i can imagine that you would slide perfectly into this hole that i have dug. but of something solid? i want? /to know you better/ maybe i can see through your eyes but can you see through my smile? the cold and dreaded familiar. how can i do things differently this time? to protect myself and be the coward i have been for so long? let go, let go, let go and find, undermine these habits. i do not want to be a detective, snooping for clues, to find something more... or less. my instincts were ravaged in the quake of '76. i cannot rely on intuition or bravery. and it could turn everything upside down if i let it. and yet to be a man. this role? will it take its toll? people are funny; onions in a forest of hakea. ancient diseases carried through and forth. and maybe you have passed. i hope. maybe i know there will be more crevices in this rocky face of familiarity. to end this? i feel blessed to have met you; that life has brought you forth. that we can share these nites. i am better. i am more. i am. can you capture me in this moment that i craft for you? but maybe i do not be

i wish there was more

2009-09-16T06:46:00.000-07:00

in the valley where the dogs lie
i take my rest and fire my phoenix
and every flame forges a new sword
and i am grateful for these words
this sole vessel that i travel

abstractions

2009-09-16T06:37:00.000-07:00

help me find the words in my actions
and let me play with my abstractions
and carve the ideals from my waste
and taste the rot in my grace

i took the girl from her perch
horded the shine in my dirt
can u forgive my frail attempts
i forgot to pay my rent

untitled

2009-09-16T06:31:00.000-07:00

i'm in the army
and it's funny
cos i think i just wanted family

avoid the battles
unengaged, unhassled
got nothing worth fighting for

a home, a home, everyone needs a home
there is a blade of grass on the other phone
it's standing on its own
stretching tall to the light
but it is a constant fight
oh give these poor creatures a home

everything

2009-09-16T06:15:00.000-07:00

moonlit air on furrowed head
with paper hair sodden
with beer and honey
spending all my money
on little freedoms
so i an become
coalesced by open doors
and this vaudevillian
this vaudevillian farce
coalesced by open doors
i'm walking through them all
in this old house
this old house is a cage
with its doors wide open
to everything

parkBear's hoki fish pie

2009-08-17T08:01:00.000-07:00

500g NZ hoki (or any mild white fish)
handful of onion
handful of leek
1/2 handful of garlic
handful of button mushrooms
lemon thyme
tb of gluten free flour
cup of fish stock(or vegetable stock)
1/2 lemon
rosemary
parsley
salt and pepper

*white sauce*
sour cream
milk
butter
gluten free flour
mixed herbs
salt

*mashed potato*
potatoes
milk
butter
salt and pepper

boil up the potato for the mash

fry up the garlic and onions till golden then add the leeks and mushroom. add hoki(roughly chopped), flour, stock, juice of half a lemon, and the herbs and spices. cook till liquid is evaporated

mash the potato adding lotsa butter and milk and a bit of salt

make a simple white sauce substituting some milk for sour cream

in baking dish layer fish, with the white sauce add mash potato on top, sprinkle with parmesan and cheese of your choosing(i like colby)

bung in a 160C oven for 10-15 minutes or until potato is golden

enjoy

P:S Gollentrops

2009-08-05T06:18:00.000-07:00

will the winter take me home?
i've been skulking round the dawn
if you see the place i'm from
mark it like a cross of two kissing trees

the feuds of summer dried my veins
so i build machines to bring the rain
if you see a tempest come my way
hold your breath, swim deep to me again

all your tears fall down my walls
begins corrosion of my dharma
defeat seems deeper
my humour, my passion bubble darker

this cavernous vessel
and all it's hiding places
but no marrow
this ocean so deep
this ocean's so deep
but still as a lie
precipitation:sorrow

blown away

2009-07-22T10:25:00.000-07:00

whisper my name and i fall
hollow bone pain and light air call
comes not with this inseparable flow
standing tall meek and unnatural
with no structure at all

i can hear the minstrels singing
see the speckled crow
feel the cold wind blowing
i can taste the ashen snow

i wanna get blown away
i wanna get blown away

watch her move, inflect others
marvel at beauty, slow dance play
but i won't get blown away
when she courtesy's at my place

i can hear the minstrels singing
see the speckled crow
feel the cold wind blowing
i can taste the ashen snow

i wanna get blown away
i wanna get blown away
but this rock's not meant for flying
no this rock's not meant for flying
this rock's not meant for flying
so i will nestle down below

befuddled

2009-07-22T09:55:00.000-07:00

once knew a man who lived in a park
heard of this beast who graced a home
and there was this robot who danced in the woods
and a cat who sang choral in the zoo

whoa, whoa, whoa world's befuddled
and it makes my mind all muddled
once i thought i knew
something

reminded today that the body decays
and all the sums to keep it awake
would it freak you out, if i told you
i saw a ghost, my recent host

whoa, whoa, whoa world's befuddled
and it makes my mind all muddled
once i thought i knew
something

maybe just the beginning
maybe just the beginning
maybe just the beginning
of a psycho quickening
lie down and take a pill
lie down and take a pill
lie down and take a pill
take a moment to chill

fantasy meat

2009-07-22T09:47:00.000-07:00

bit of meat, with soul attached
this incomplete slow motion crash
this wailing wall, brittle with blood
shall always be away from love

and all your crises are all made up
it's just your religion that's so fucked up
you're in the system so you better listen
you're in the system so you better listen
shut-up
don't be a weirdo
watch where you go
don't be a weirdo
you can scream and shout, wind will still knock you out
you can scream and shout, wind will still knock you out
don't you know that fantasies are made for children
don't you know that all your fantasies are made for children

this bit of meat, with soul attached
this incomplete slow motion crash
this wailing wall, brittle with blood
shall always be away from love

horizon

2009-07-22T09:38:00.000-07:00

lost my method, my museum
misplaced my time with the storm brewing
horizon found at the end of the day

if i'm not there at first light
send me a party, a pissy wasted night
i'm too awake to defend all these days
found a horizon not so far away

stole a glance, too wide eyed
quarter circle chance, just in case i die
i'm too unborn to get down on my knees
found a horizon where my land use to be

and up ahead it's laid out
formed my silhouette, found my pets
i'm too strung in to defend all these days
found a horizon not so far away

obscenities

2009-07-22T09:29:00.000-07:00

long winters novel
don't know why i bother
with this scene
i lost all my characters
in a dream
oh my greatest
never been

six years of war
teenage soldier
conscripted boy
of just thirteen
lost his memories
in the unclean
what we can do to ourselves
is just obscene

yellow nightie (back to melbourne)

2009-07-21T10:42:00.000-07:00

back to melbourne
all the way back home
brief flash of light
does the heart good
and the moonlight
over the dark sea
yellow nightie wet against her skin
is all i see

under concrete
she gave me flowers
enchanted party
we spoke alone for hours
if she wants me
she didn't say so
back to melbourne

back to melbourne
all the way back home
brief flash of light
does the heart good
and the moonlight
over the dark sea
yellow nightie wet against her skin
her yellow nightie
is all i see

salvation

2009-07-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

maybe salvation's what you're looking for
to be saved from this nation of frightening bores
read in the paper that i'm all to blame
my youth and my wit
has exposed the lot of it

if my body is my temple, then it's sacrilege
what i do to forge, this new language
scared with misfires, while putting out those fires
stretched and misshapen, got no control of it
i'm sleeping through

out there

2009-07-21T10:23:00.000-07:00

soiled all my parties
they could not start me
if you see some darkness out there
i'm out there
i'm out there

drawn like a sparkle
where light slowly explodes
and if you need some patience
i won't move
but if you need a partner
i'm not here
i'm not here
i'm out there
i'm out there
i'm out there

damn god (in two parts)

2009-07-21T09:52:00.000-07:00

i'm too far away from my god
too much doubt between me and my god
there is an island surrounded by sea
the inhabitants there, woah they are strange
they seem to all get along
they share and they laugh
and make stupid remarks
about happiness, love and the motion
and the clean, clean water, so pure
what a silly old notion
this old myth called water

these backward people
so modest and joyful
and oh so resourceful
how i hope to join them
with my technology free heart
my pesticide free heart
my politicised free heart
my hatred free heart
regress regress
no more stress
regress regress
----
if you wear a mask
you better make it last

in the haze of sickness
i see my weakness
i got no show
i got no show

tv's fighting tv's
for attention using noise
but i got no show
i got no show

and in some crazy museum
you can go and see 'em
still life on show
but i got no show

another nice day

2009-07-21T09:42:00.000-07:00

another nice day
to waste
obligations have been cast
responsibility has past its time
be the hero of the day
seek out this different way
to swim
bring the minstrels to the front
sing out this urge
to run and hide
gotta love this mess we're in
gotta sing, gotta sing
my way out
bring the minstrels to the front
and play your music all day long
till dusk

the sad disease

2009-07-21T09:31:00.000-07:00

three decades
so many choices made
seven dry years
to set the boy in clay
all forgotten
the temperatures and the scent
passions gone rotten
bury me in cement

and if you come for me
i could be wandering
but if you find
capture me in cement
make me a monument
to wasted suffering
the stillness will bring me much joy
i can aimlessly
ponder it all

nine lovers
that have brought me here
there have been others
but these nine i fear
sacred sessions
i abused it all
any wonder
that i'm still learning to crawl

and if you come for me
i could be wandering
but if you find
capture me in cement
make me a monument
to wasted suffering
the stillness will bring me much joy
i can aimlessly
ponder it all

don't wanna end up like worm
knuckles bruised and bridges burnt
why did he get so alone?
it's a disease
a disease
a disease
it's the disease
it's the disease
the sad disease
it's a sad disease

demand the impossible

2009-07-20T10:59:00.000-07:00

demand the impossible
all quarters to match reality
build yourself a temple
fill its rooms with your misplaced desires
drink red wine till you're angry
stupefy till ideas have died

and we will all
get old someday
lose our favourite song
lose our ideal way
best to disappear
gracefully
let your best be a memory

let this moment guide your injured heart
every moment has its threat
don't get lost in the word abstract
every moment has its act
while you

demand the impossible
make all quarters match your reality
build yourself a temple
fill its rooms with your misplaced desires
your misplaced desires

save yourself

2009-07-20T10:38:00.000-07:00

castrate me mama
cos i feel no good as a man
my ways are too nice
i have these soft and gentle hands

too many years in winters sun
too much to hold onto
too many pieces undone

can you save me mama
i know i'm not one to ask for help
know you're lost too mama
and what stings is i know that
you can only save yourself

take me alive please mama
cos i ain't gone far as a human
their ways are too weird for words
i tried so hard to understand

too many years in firelight's shadow
soiled all the places that i'd go

so can you save me mama
i know i'm not one to ask for help
know you're lost too mama
and what stings is i know that
you can only save yourself

sit and be
with yourself
oh sit and be
with yourself
oh hit yourself
of hit yourself
oh hit yourself
wake up
wake up
wake up
sit and be
with yourself
oh sit and be
with yourself
oh hit yourself
of hit yourself
oh hit yourself
wake up
wake up
wake up
and toil it all away

hey

2009-07-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

stolen chords
from neil young
all songs broken
the laws of my dismay

and i say hey
what do you say?
i say hey

stolen words
from guy debord
he's not bored with his disarray

and i say hey
what do you say?
i say hey

new years lost
misplaced my plot
still got my songs to make my misery

and i say hey
what do you say?
i say hey

in the bathroom
is the safest place in the house
i'd stay quiet
but i just have to let it out
if you hear this
don't be afraid
i'm just singing
my songs of hey

i've often wandered
through the stories of my mind
i often wonder
if these stories were mine
i often ponder
through the languish of my days
i often wonder
if i waste my whole life away

but i say hey
what do you say?
i say hey
hey
hey
hey

small gestures (ludlow 06)

2009-07-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

i would wake to the sound of them tearing it down
feel the tremors in the earth as it falls to the ground
see the blood that it did weep, feel the empty left behind
lost a home, witnessed a rape, lost my innocent times

and i fear what i will feel again
can't face the thought that there are some many more of them
damn forests to save
but i'm glad i gave
it my best go
cos you never know
what small gestures can do

put my arm into its heart
purchased another day
witnessed the blooming of its art
saw time in a whole new way
what's a winter to me?
when we're talking centuries
of life and growth
oh fuckin' oath
why can't you leave them alone

and i fear what i will feel again
can't face the thought that there are some many more of them
damn forests to save
but i'm glad i gave
it my best go
cos you never know
what small gestures can do

(from the) kitchen (in leederville)/doves on show

2009-07-20T09:55:00.000-07:00

sirens sound over this holy ground
the walls are listening
talk will never be free again

sex is sold on the corner beat
and across the street
are the lonely and the cold

in another street they line to meet
the same boring creeps
with their doves on show

pretty and precise

2009-07-20T08:58:00.000-07:00

i misheard quote
i am sold
like she'd lost herself in me
it's never pretty or precise

she's getting old she said
early crying on my shoulder
her intimations of intimacy
become her shorelines
for my desires to crash against
but this silence and distance

the swell of uncertainty breezes through
and the odour of the past
and i just can't pass
and that feeling comes over me again
how i could never stain my friend

fortunacy is never pretty or precise
that old ugly lie
is leeched upon me
and i'm drunk on the sky

and the dancing fronds
the dancing fronds
that silhouette her

waiting on a train

2009-07-20T08:45:00.000-07:00

waiting for a train
to see my friend again
my hopes have flown sky high
i only hope that i can fly

hearts have been stalled for far too long
dragged around by her darn siren song
too lost in her melody and grace
to see the singing to my face

these weird old blues that i've been carrying
these past few day
is just my way of not getting bored
as i'm waiting on a train

fed my desires second hand
waiting for words to meet
for hearts to take a stand
i don't understand why i get so gloomy
when the greatest thing in the world
is waiting on a train

waiting on a train
i'm always waiting on a train
i'm always waiting on a train
waiting on a train

lost in her melody and grace

hyde park sunday

2009-07-20T08:02:00.000-07:00

i've been chasing different lines
been tracing pictures of my finds
days not wasted with my guitar
hands of time, stop squeezing my mind

caught city weather down newcastle street
saw the new fear when people meet
thought of the scenes from the tv
cronulla torn apart, world is closing in on me

i'm not a devil i am told
thank grace but i have demons unborn
still carry the weight of these damn masculine balls
heavy with fear of going to war
i never know what we are fighting for
if it was love i would pick up my arms
and carry you all to some peaceful park
and drink and play music all day
on a hyde park sunday
sunday bloody sunday
a hyde park sunday

cave song: a little darkness/place of my birth

2009-07-20T07:44:00.000-07:00

the warm sweats of familiarity
these moments of awareness and familiarity
the time spent with each others originality
they become a part of you
breathing in each others particles
they become a part of you
breathing in each others particles

i am you
i am you
i am you
well i could be you
but really i am me

my narrative steps to lust and sacrifice
my ducts weep at the thought of our bodies marrying
my form it sweats at the thought of showing you
all my caves of disgust, scented with dust

i am you
i am you
i am you
well i could be you
but really i am me

a little darkness for your dreams to run unabandoned through

think i'll get lifted by the wind
cos the ground is such a boring place to be
think i will listen to the sound of my own beat
cos the sound of electricity fills me with fear

digging my way out of this hole
some days i think of nothing at all
lose responsibility and lose control
just gotta find a place on this earth
just gotta return to the place of my birth

think that i am getting old
people round seem so far away
lose my tongue and i'm left with nothing to say
lose myself and hide in my cave
digging my way out of this hole
some days i think of nothing at all
lose responsibility and lose control
just gotta find a place on this earth
just gotta return to the place of my birth

oh lord

2009-07-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

smite me lord
with your feather
change my path
with the weather
scrape my bones
like a butcher
and i will fall
where i stand
i will fall
where i stand

give me your peace lord
and i will clutch it
layer myself
like a new skin
and i will walk
with the swell
in my stride
sailor is still lost
waiting for you to find
for you to find

contented gentleman

2009-07-20T07:32:00.001-07:00

born is the day
of a thousand ways
oh for the days
of solitude and splendor
gone are the days
of the flicking hand
bring me the way
of the contented gentleman

lovely
joyous
love me
never bore us
lucky
for those cliff stares
lonely
forever aware

mylovehasanend

2009-07-20T07:29:00.000-07:00

my love has an end
my love has an end
my love has an end
love my memories
all is memory

millions

2009-07-20T01:39:00.000-07:00

millions will dies
millions will die
we are dropping like flies
falling from our grace
and when i finally leave this place
may i leave without disgrace

la la la la
la la la la la la

family will die
and friends will die
they'll commit suicide
too bruised to face this life
and when my time has reached its end
hope my heart has made amends

la la la la
la la la la la la

all my friends

2009-07-20T01:12:00.000-07:00

all my friends are in the street
dancing with every soul they meet
they are trying to be free
reclaim this grey city

all my friends have lost themselves
dancing away this hollow world
lost myself in my own groove
where i can be eternally free

these days will pass
joy will return
we'll sing our campfire songs
watch cities burns
come listen in
to these clumsy words
find hope within
for a green and gallant earth

all my friends are in the jails
but they are dancing in their cells
though they may lock us up
we shall be
eternally free
a poor attempt at resistance maybe
but we can only try

these days will pass
joy will return
we'll sing our campfire songs
watch cities burns
come listen in
to these clumsy words
find hope within
for a green and gallant earth

all my friends
all my friends
oh my friend
oh my friends
how i love
each and every one of them
oh my heart
oh my heart
oh my heart
oh my heart
how it swells with pride
to have them by my side
oh my friends

chill time

2009-07-20T01:03:00.000-07:00

you were tripping
looking for some chill time
i was a pillow
somewhere to lay your confused mind
you said hello
i said something similar
you said you're nice
and i'm tripping
looking for some chill time
and you look like just the kind of boy
who could chill my confused mind

then you introduced your boyfriend
and you coupled real swell
but you were still talking from your heart
and your head was still on my arm
but it was nice to play imagines
nice to feel your gaze
i know you watched my dancing
saw that look upon your face

but i guess we'll have to pick it up again
when you don't have a boyfriend

different species

2009-07-20T00:57:00.000-07:00

love; more than you are loved
hold; but never to touch
this asylum from sin
is making me want to sing
the saddest of songs

seeing places; that i have never been
worn out faces; unworn grins
this time of no shell
is not working out too well
with this black dog of mine

fleeting warming; from others skin
taste of honey; from game show lips
this little dash from disease
is making me want to be
a different species

in the end

2009-07-20T00:29:00.000-07:00

when i might get it over
damn leg falls to bits
on the night of our first kiss
i get herpes on my lips

that's the way my life goes
i just choose a different road
hoping that
i might meet you there
in the end

got myself arrested
fell in love with this girl
lost her soul to damn friendship
lost my chance with another girl

that's the way my life goes
i just choose a different road
hoping that
i might meet you there
in the end

spent the best years of my youth
down the bottom of a hole
lost myself a few pints
fly the scars from my flagpole

and that's the way my life goes
i just choose a different road
hoping that
i might meet you there
i might meet you there
i might meet you there
in the end

splendor

2009-07-20T00:22:00.000-07:00

i lost myself today
lost my lifetime away
never knowing
what to say
so i hide away
in my cave
and all i needed
was a friend
and all i saw
were devils to defend

i lost my fear today
i found a different way
to walk through
these troubled lands
to find peace
with a troubled man
and all i needed was to sing
to let the splendor of music in

oh life
can be a splendid thing
if you'd only
let the music in
everybody
has got a pulse
i tell ya baby
rock n roll can be your own revolt

sense of being friends

2009-07-20T00:13:00.000-07:00

your face
five inches from my face
your fingers
playing with my nose
you rub me
like i'm your play-doh
i am yours
you are in control

your sleep
entangled with my sleep
your breath
so warm and gentle on my arm
your scent
whispers quietly in my dreams
i've lost all sense
of being friends

my hand
shivers as it paints your body
my heart
somewhere down amongst the leaves
my mind
struggling to record every moment
i can't believe
that such a beauty should stand before me

all my strength
trying to hold back that first tear
in half sleep
i see you nestled by his side
i stumble
find safety in my room
i can't believe
how much one man can cry
as all i see
is you naked by his side

i've lost all sense
i've lost all sense
of being friends

bathing in the usa (hurricane katrina's lament)

2009-07-19T23:51:00.000-07:00

some might say
that they were waiting for the drowning
so they say
that they were waiting to go down
maybe the dollar has had its day
now only god can save the mighty usa

where'd the humanity go?
it all got washed away
where do dumb humans go to bathe?
to the usa

i read the report
they're only saving their own colour
watched lateline, 7:30 report
the poor don't seem to matter
so they say
you only get what you deserve
may pity once again rise up from the earth
on the usa

where'd the humanity go?
it all got washed away
where do dumb humans go to bathe?
to the usa

usa, usa
we all love you usa
save our souls
please save our souls
usa

i'm not insane

2009-07-19T23:36:00.000-07:00

electric eels in my brain
shifting things to the left of sane
and the buzzin' brings bad lovin'
leaves stray hairs on my tongue
oh i don't know what i've done

but i keep singing to myself
i keep singing to myself
keep singing to myself

i'm not insane
oh no oh no
i'm not insane
oh no oh no
it's just this brain
i know i know
i'm not insane
oh no oh no

mother

2009-06-23T10:09:00.000-07:00

oh the new day has just begun
and the tilting sun has just arrived
yes i perceive the bloom of purple fancy
on the tips of those metacarpal branches
a fill of colour
a fill of colour
and my orbs they start to perspire
as i'm absorbed into the zephyr and the sky

and if i close my eyes
will i feel
the warmth of it all
and if i open my ribs
and reach in
will i feel a hand
the mother of it all
the mother of it all
keeping her beat
around my heart
there is a mother in it all
there is a mother in it all

these wintered days
and the rains have just begun
my parchment earth sups to become, to become
and that Australian sun, is blunted by the clouds
oh these storms will sing out loud
be proud, be proud
oh the fill of colour
and the pride of life
oh i will be grateful and do more than just survive

and if i close my eyes
will i feel
the warmth of it all
and if i open my ribs
and reach in
will i feel a hand
the mother of it all
keeping her beat
around my heart
there is a mother in it all
there is a mother in it all

the dusk climbs over the crest of the hill
infused with the colours of the day
the orange, the purple, and a pregnant grey
new sun, new hope
new tracks, new paths
old wisdom

and if i close my eyes
will i feel
the warmth of it all
and if i open my ribs
and reach in
will i feel a hand
the mother of it all
the mother of it all
keeping her beat
around my heart
there is a mother in it all
there is a mother in it all

shooting arrows

2009-06-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

i need a guide
i need a book
something to learn
to spot that look
when eyes mean more
when smiles reach out
i just don't know
what this love shit's about

i think i need you cupid
cos i'm feeling pretty stupid
where are you my cupid
cos i'm really fucking stupid
i lost my chance
for a romance

well her heart was winking at me
like a cataract
but my heart was always dopey
i never thought she liked me back
and it's true i was distracted
by a heart spin crush
could not see what was before me
don't know why
my heart is blind
guess i've been lonely too much

i think i need you cupid
cos i'm feeling pretty stupid
where are you my cupid
cos i'm really fucking stupid
i lost my chance
for a romance

well i'm told she has a lover
and lives happily
i'm not bitter
i just wish her life was here with me
and it's true i am a gentleman
and can't butt in
i will wait by gaping fate
till it swallows me

swallow me
with your addiction forming charms
borrow me
make use of my idle pillow arms
i will sing
you a tim buckley song
let me enfold you
let me enfold you

i think i need you cupid
cos i'm feeling pretty stupid
where are you my cupid
cos i'm really fucking stupid
i lost my chance
for a romance
with rachel

rituals

2009-06-21T06:11:00.000-07:00

she was always in the bathroom
she couldn't do it in the same room
i knew what she was doing
was doing it myself
saw that green bottle
with the dinosaur
knew what she was doing
her little blood
rituals

we were always in waiting rooms
waiting for our help
i learnt my patience
i bore her hell
and that small room
with too many echoes
too many pills too
but i never faded away

she was my first lover
she was my first taste
still taste the hate on my tongue
to this very day
and the absence
where everything begins to decay
so many years dusted
still carry that dust in my pocket
to this day

we were bonded
in blood
stitched together
from the absence of love
least we were together
in blood
we had our little rituals
our blood rituals
rituals

boy from outer space

2009-06-21T05:11:00.000-07:00

there was this boy from outer space
he use to like to hang around my place
he never really had much to say
but i liked him anyway

he didn't seem to be a happy guy
all his thoughts finished with a sigh
he took it on to try and save this girl
when he could not even save himself

and when his arms glistened with blood
i just tried to give him my love
hope that some would filter through
the melloncollie round his heart

so this mournful boy from outer space
chose to leave this confused human race
he built himself a little rocket ship
filled with music, books and endless spliffs

but he could not go so far away
he chose a star nearby where he could stay
and from his star he would still watch the world
untying knots created by that girl

and when his head fell to his hands
i'd siren songs from my lands
hope that he would hear the call
and see the beauty of it all

oh the pain to be from outer space
i can see it add time to his face
but in his eyes i could still see a glow
that told me he'd be back tomorrow

and when his arms glistened with blood
i just tried to give him my love
hope that some would filter through
the melloncollie round his heart

and when his head fell to his hands
i'd siren songs from my lands
hope that he would hear the call
and see the beauty of it all

there was this boy from outer space

end of days (white horses)

2009-06-21T04:12:00.000-07:00

by the light of the moon
you can watch her play
it's gonna come soon
it's the end of days

look out my window
and out on the street
i'm seeing white horses
i'm seeing defeat

and up on the hillside
are the angels at dusk
you gotta accept it
this place is a bust

tell ya boys
you better start running
cos a days a coming
you better start running

i can see time obsolete
as out on the street
i'm seeing cold chaos
and we are obsolete

tell ya boys
you better start running
cos a days a coming
you better start running

by the light of the moon
you can watch her play
it's gonna come soon
it's the end of days

i'm seeing white horses
seeing white horses
seeing white horses

guysoboredsingstgeorgestcecall (murray bookchin remix)

2009-06-21T03:17:00.000-07:00

if you're so bored
why the fuck are you here?
and if you can't see joy
then take off those dark sunglasses
and get off your collective asses
start making some noise
start making some noise
start making some noise
in the streets and in the malls

smash those glasses
in the bars
sing your songs up
to the stars
put your art up
on the walls
bring friends
bring strangers all

cos we can tear
this place apart
given half a chance
given half a song
given half a dream
i hope that you can see what i see
i hope that you can feel what i feel
cos the grey places
are starting to death up real bad
and all it makes me wanna do
is dance
shake my ass not give a fuck
shake your ass not give a fuck
#and i say hey
hey you
why ain't you
shaking your bottom
shaking your bottom
shaking your bottom
and we say shake, shake, shake
shake, shake, shake
shake your bottom#
and all it makes me wanna do
is dance
shake my ass not give a fuck
shake your ass not give a fuck

*Out of the disintegrating consciousness must come the recovery, the reintegration and the advance of Desire—a new sensuousness based on possibility. If this sense of possibility lacks a humanistic social content, if it remains crudely egoistic, then it will simply follow the logic of the irrational social order and slip into a vicious nihilism. In the long run, the choices confronting the modern bohemian—hip or freak—are not between a socially passive subjectivism and a politically active reformism, but between the reactionary extremism of the SS man and the revolutionary extremism of the anarchist.

Bluntly, to drop out is to drop in
to drop out is to drop in
to drop out is to drop in

the poet now stands on the ramparts—not only as dreamer, but also as fighter. Stalking through the dream, permeating the surreal experience, stirring the imagination to entirely new evocative heights are the liberatory possibilities of the objective world. For the first time in history, object and subject can be joined in the revolutionary affinity group—the anarchic,
revolutionary collectivity of sisters and brothers. Theory and praxis can be united in the purposive revolutionary deed. Thought and intuition can be merged in the new revolutionary vision. Conscious and unconscious can be integrated in the revolutionary revel. Liberation may not be complete—for us, at least—but it can be totalistic, involving every facet of life and experience. Its fulfillment may be beyond our wildest visions, but we can move toward what we can see and imagine. Our Being is Becoming, not stasis. Our Science is Utopia, our Reality is Eros, our Desire is Revolution. Our Being is Becoming, not stasis. Our Science is Utopia, our Reality is Eros, our Desire is Revolution. Our Being is Becoming, not stasis. Our Science is Utopia, our Reality is Eros, our Desire is Revolution. Our Desire is Revolution. Our Desire is Revolution*

if you're so bored
why the fuck are you here?
and if you can't see joy
then take off those Gucci sunglasses
and get off your collective asses
start making some noise
start making some noise
start making some noise

#written by the cuntflower bandits#

*quote taken from Murray Bookchin's essay 'Desire and Need' featured in his book 'Post-Scarcity Anarchism' published through Black Rose Books*

hills

2009-06-21T03:00:00.000-07:00

see these giants towering above us
i see them buried in ruins
i see them for the last time
our children climb to the top of these hills
of rubble
take a look around
what do you see?
i see the sea
i see freedom for you and me
my friends
i see the end
of this world
in explosions of love
in explosions of joy
come on girls and boys
join in
join us

see these giants towering above us
i see them buried in ruins
i see them for the last time
our children climb to the top of these hills
of rubble
take a look around
what do you see?
i see the sea
i see freedom for you and me
my friends
i see the end
of this world
in one
in two
in three
revolutions
revolution of love
revolution of joy
revolution of every single moment of your beautiful
your beautiful life

grey will become brown
grey will become brown

la la la (you are my friend)

2009-06-21T02:49:00.000-07:00

I won’t rescue you from this island
And I won’t battle all your kings
But I can sit down beside you
Lend you my voice sing you a song

And it goes
La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la
You are my friend
You are my friend

Take good care of yourself
Cos you know that no one else will
Keep shouting from those rooftops
Tell the street, tell the world all your cares
Tell them that he is my friend
My funny, furry, bear-shaped friend
Tell them that you just don’t care
What they say about us
Cos he is my friend

I know a girl
Let her into my shell, my world
And she plants her daisies, and she blows her waves
I’m a richer man for all the memories she has made
Crazy kid, maybe girl, amazing woman here’s your world
I can’t think of a thing you can do to break my heart
Guess I love you

I like you style
Your heart is always switched on
And I like your rhythm
I just picked up my guitar and try to sing along

And we sing
And we sing
And we sing
And we sing
La la la la la la la laaaa
La la la la la la la laaaa
La la la la la la la laaaa
You are my friend
You are my friend

citadel

2009-06-21T01:43:00.000-07:00

come with your fractured will
to my sullied door
i will let you in
give shelter from your storm

come with your borrowed heart
to my broken den
i will let you sleep
let dreams bring forgetting

come with your city sick
come with your apathy
i will craft a place
safe for you to be

in tents

2009-06-21T00:36:00.000-07:00

can you reflect a shadow?
does light come within?
does passion really matter?
will patience ever win

is there a place to take me?
can half lives fill a whole?
is the city gonna break me?
and who will break my fall?

i'm not afraid of shadows
form will have to do
but i've been seeing distant meadows
and riding out this storm

the fears (moosick will end)

2009-06-21T00:27:00.000-07:00

running out of words
silence my conversation
running down my patience
as i go running for my life

yet to find a home
with the haunting of it all
see the distance and the fall
so i guess i'll waste my time
with my six-string friend
i'm getting the fears
that the music will end

i know they're not much
and i know that they're simple
but these songs are my tongue
so i guess i'll just keep singing for my life

yet to find my rhythm
still to reach my blues
so i guess i'll keep singing
cos i've got nothing else to do
but hang out with my six-string friend
i'm getting the fears
oh i'm getting the fears
i'm getting the fears
that the music will end
and i'll never be heard from again

home

2009-06-21T00:02:00.000-07:00

home is where the heart is
home is where the heart is, my friend
doesn't matter where you run to
doesn't matter how far you go
i'm in for the ride
i'll be right by your side

home is where the heart is
home is where the heart is
let's get this party started
right here, right now
doesn't matter where we meet
you're my favourite place to be

be safe my friend
i will still be here
in the end

la la la la land

2009-06-20T23:50:00.000-07:00

i've been feeling lately
like i haven't placed my feelings very well
i've been dancing on the edges of this winter and this autumn spell
been waiting for my inside man
to take my hand and lead me to your land
i've been waiting to breath the air
in the la la la la land
of opportunity
of opportunity

i've been feeling lately
that i haven't said the things i've meant to say
been holding onto words and these fears
waiting for the black dog to disappear
but i've been opening up to good friends
getting closer to a truth that just might be me
and i've been seeing love all over
seeing love all over
seeing love all over
in this la la la la
la la la la
la la la la land on opportunity
where i can be
in the game again
in the game again

highest flagpole

2009-06-20T23:38:00.000-07:00

paint it pretty colours
put it in a dress
fuck around with its gender
i am a pretender in this form
waiting to be born

did you think this thing could fly
simply by closing your eyes
shed this dead weight, this ego
and let the music flow
all over my soul

chaos of joy
bathing this boy
do i repeat my autistic grooves
energised by 15 different moons

dancing without my skin
i wanna kiss and lick and fuck everything
fly my desires
up the highest flagpole
find me the highest flagpole

idle times

2009-06-20T23:27:00.000-07:00

blinded by the sun
behind windows i'm inside
but i'm still having fun

playing with my noise
before myself, i'm alone
but i'm still talking to this world

reading lots of books
i turn the page, i see my fate
and i like the way it looks

danced to many bands
my body moves, my bloods got groove
and there was joy weeping from my lands

drinking lots of beer
inside riot, outside quiet
a smoke will make desires clear

wrote out my monologue
futile words, they can't talk back
but i'll still use them in my songs

taking lots of time
with my silence, without violence
but i am still fighting on

gazed at many clouds
days they pass on hyde park grass
far from confusing crowds

cos i've found these idle times
i've mastered the art of just being

from the fridge

2009-06-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

it cried
their soft cloud is leaving us
i saw a star shine
an empty year to open in joy

minor life

2009-06-20T23:11:00.000-07:00

minor player in a minor life
sometimes braver, always buried in strife
minor savings on a fumbled plan to survive
gave up gaming, now just trying to save my mind

constructed memories on a dirty wall
inward ears won't hear the call
but he's a patient, well practiced waiting
he nightly feeds on anticipation

abandoning time, replaying youthful cares
forgetting mine, forgetting space, moments lost in the stares
bringing this whirlwind visit into the roaring rapids
bringing this tour of duty home, for one last rest
one last coalesce

fortunate breeze

2009-06-19T09:30:00.000-07:00

i have offered you nothing
given you a thin paleon wafer
and I wait for a fortunate breeze
to pass me on
for my roar to be waited to your feet

it has no growth
the hermaphrodite
mates only with itself
scared of its reflection in the arms of it all

i hear best
usually fragments
the inflections
i prefer economy
and i expect patience
i am always disappointed
these headline people want waiting on right now
i can’t do that
my doubt be my tortoise
bring me there at the end
but the commercials always arrive
i will not survive
this
i can make my own fate
the Schopenhauer eraser leaves me a songwriter
i have the words but the melody is blank

i have nothing to offer you but I

what is worm?

2009-06-18T07:48:00.000-07:00

it is a man
all brutal carrying laughter
with the knowledge of the world
his laugh crafts my stupidity

i’m not ready to face him again
my earth is dry, fragile, fallow
it has seen neither rain nor sun for many months
even the horizon of this man erodes me

i have fought him before
and gained strength from the battles
and for a time I hiked mountain
and found currents to swim with

but now that vigour eludes me
there is atrophy, decay
i have lost my way
i shiver

moMeant

2009-06-14T08:34:00.000-07:00

it's a creep
time of it all
can't judge the distance
can't see the door for the walls
i am creep
wait till ya back is turned
u wake from yr slumber
and thunder echoes in yr hall

there will be no cars on fire (ahhh)
no beheading of the king (ahhh)
no trumpets or choirs (ahhh)
victory won't sing (ahhh)
give me evolution (ahhh)
i trust evolution (ahhh)
all yr revolutions will be resolved

it'll be alright

2009-06-14T08:33:00.000-07:00

let me define myself my hobbies and my tastes
put my soul on facebook
u can only look
our stories have been captured
history imprisoned never to wander
but i wonder why can't we live now?

all these distractions to keep us compliant authored abstractions guided reliant authenticity 2bright in civilised sunglasses it'll be alright
just drink another coke and have another smoke voyeur worlds distant and bright remove this free will it feels so itchy makes me rash out with all this indecision take this burden of living it'll be alright tv will greet me when i come home 2nite

kill authority

2009-06-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

i got my id for the train cop
i got beeped by the train cop
my position's locked by the train cop
my moves are in their cell

i wanna kill the train cop
i wanna kill the train cop
i wanna kill the train cop
inside all of us

got no id for the bouncer
can't prove my birth for the bouncer
seems quite a thrill for the bouncer
to invalidate me

i wanna kill the bouncer
i wanna kill the bouncer
i wanna kill the bouncer
inside of you

got my groin sniffed by the drug dog
while i was in line for a fun time
felt the hot breath of authority
upon my balls

i wanna kill the authority
i wanna kill the authority
i wanna kill the authority
inside of me

human race (veiled resistance, dissipation)

2009-06-14T08:31:00.001-07:00

these days are windy
all my fires blow out
moss has grown on my city
bar is closing boys
it's last shout

do i
find
my wisdom here?
do i
find
my wisdom here?
what'll i find here?
the pretty voices
the simple choices
will i be death or the lover?
can i respect my mother?
or will the plague rule?
my machete tool
to blind faith tango
blind faith tango

braille goddess find me here
braille goddess find my grace
braille goddess find me here
braille goddess find my faith
amongst this carcass ego

will i find my wisdom here?

art 101 (a true artist must self destruct -nico 1984)

2009-06-14T08:29:00.000-07:00

happiness is boring
happiness is fleeting
happiness is boring
happiness is textureless
first love sculpted
melloncollie my apprentice
first love sculpted
melloncollie my apprentice
and i don't mean in some emo way
i'm just kinda seeing things different
oh these days
and i don't mean in some steven morrissey way
i'm just seeing things differently
oh these days
these epiphanous days

tend to cry when i read rimbaud
and i get angry with mrs sylvia hughes
don't worry if your feeling naff
didn't do old miss plath any harm

and oh mr dostoyevsky
u seem quite irate
but still you love your god and your state
you live as you might
syphilis, a fun way to try

and oh my dear friend richard
you treat your body like it was auschwitz
at least nicky got his house fixed
it's looking pretty hot
severn bridge or did you find god?
you always look pretty hot
severn bridge or did you find god?

and all these people got this sad disease
such crazy people with crazy beauty
i don't want to end up like worm
knuckles bruised and bridges burnt
why did he get so alone?
it's a disease, it's a disease, it's a disease
the sad disease
it's a sad disease

with tattooed fear
i can always paint you a tear

happiness is boring
happiness is fleeting
happiness is boring
happiness is textureless
first love sculpted
melloncollie my apprentice
first love sculpted
melloncollie my apprentice
will you be death or the lover?
will you be death or the lover?

famous heart

2009-06-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

i swallow my second breathe
try to follow this famous heart
but i spy from the outside
your dance

i'm awake but your a dream
like no other that's ever been
but i'll censor by desires
i am not yours

i stand on the edge between despair and elation
these human relations cause such disarray
of meek old hearts
jumper cable start again
jumper cable start again
it's nice to see you, my dear friend
but you can be so cruel
you let madness rule
turn houses inside out

are these dances just my psychosis
are these dances just my psychosis
and the roses that you planted in my yard
my own work of fiction
my stories, my valium
my stories, my valium
just wanted to witness
more of those moments
where you are free

it's nice to see you, my dear friend
i will honour your cause
try to be brave like a warrior
and follow this famous heart

waiting 4 a picnic that didn't happen in hyde park

2009-06-14T08:25:00.000-07:00

the wave, the greeting, the gentle retreat
i failed the method, got my head all shot
be saved, be sold, bare all the weight
i took my place amongst forgotten leaves

the time, the day, the shrieking still
i lost my voice, reeked the tongue through
be here, don't care. there's no more that this
i'll forsake your hand, forsake the rest

and the quiet burials, the echo tombs
screams don't count dug six-feet down
if half my chest has come away
it's ok
it's ok
i'll replace it with branches
with leaves waving green
i'll replace it with memories
my films on show
it's better than porn

untitled poems 2

2009-06-14T08:09:00.000-07:00

maybe i will go crazy as my only defence
make fun of existence
watch my sanity burn in a haze
cos i'm running out of placations and i'm running out of days
i want to bathe in that mirage
that mirage
the images of the holiday on the wall
a package tour away from this devil town
the lexicon, the rapture, the fall
my mirage, my balm, my angel. my out
i want to bathe in that mirage
as my only relief
where do i find my peace?
----------

can you hear me?
the silent scares
the time lost
nettle traces, dreams, embraces
scars, tissue
silence and distance
silent room witness, tragic, whirl, verve
painted veil, watch, awake
shall never be
its not gonna happen
these sketches, poor
wretched internal traces
language games, voices in the nite
scraped off the meat
language discreet
if i fall i will stay
if i fall i will stay
but it is so far away
there is something so far away
i saw a vessel that will take me too your land
i am obsessional, seasonal, invisible

monastery

2009-06-14T07:46:00.000-07:00

in this monastery
things ain't so scary
confined to these four walls
i see some meaning
in it all

but i still don't understand
no i still don't understand
still don't understand
how to be a man

maybe antonia was right
and every man should die
cos man rapes, causes despair
and spreads his virus everywhere
man hates, brings with him death
i'll sing a requiem for this pest

in this monastery
things ain't so scary
confined to these four walls
i see some meaning
in it all

but i still don't understand
no i still don't understand
still don't understand
how to live in concrete lands

maybe human zoo is true
maybe human zoo is true
would you like to go crazy
with me too?
and throw shit around
this old caged city
with it's doors wide open
don't you see the doors are wide open?
of this human zoo
gotta leave this human zoo
would you like to come too?

give me skies'a'blue
with no roof
give me rain to cleanse
cos i can't defend myself
in this city
this old caged city

on the table

2009-06-12T22:00:00.000-07:00

sail away
on a mighty sea
oh this wretched, fucked up humanity
lost itself in mirrored water
watch yourself
slowly dissapear

you got caught
staring at your navel
you got caught
with your ego on the table
la la la la
la la la la

find yourself
the highest tree
oh to find some peace of mind
waiting there for me
lost yourself in blackened ego
watch yourself
slowly dissapear

i got caught
in the headlights of the system
i got caught
trying hard not to listen
to their songs
those zombie songs

have these people for dinner
give them their last meal
feed them wine, a last good time
then watch them slowly disappear

we got caught
staring at our navels
we got caught
with our egos on the table
la la la
la la la la
la la la
la la la la

days

2009-06-12T21:31:00.000-07:00

saturday nites
got me feeling quite fine
see the swirling form of music
i am sick, with it's rhythms up my spine

sunday afternoons
writing simple tunes
i see a blue shade of mist
kissed all my good friends, goodnite

these days will have to do
i know something will pull me through
i see a field of clover coming soon
where i sit with friends, and watch the quiet moon

war is an existential crisis

2009-06-12T21:19:00.000-07:00

soldier on, oh soldier on
let the killing all be done
eliminate the free
guess that leaves just you and me

weapon of choice, weapon of choice
give the guns out to the boys
can you catch a lead virus?
just notice how you're looking so tired

come along, oh come along
pull the thread head comes undone
poison drops with milk and honey
slow suicide is oh so funny

this sorry mess, this sorry mess
guess we can only do our best
push this boulder up the hill
repeat until we die

terror tunes

2009-06-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

death of a scene
where the bored ones all depart
left watching are the patient hearted
left waiting for a minor flaw

sounds from somewhere underground
forcing it's way up through the earth
and when it breathes bar room air
beware, beware
we're singing terror tunes and skanky blues

sorry ass

2009-06-12T21:02:00.000-07:00

when i was a drunk man
i fall into your path
watch you from the sidelines
get on the dancefloor
and shake my sorry ass

but your hand was always taken
your side by someones side
i slip on my solitude and remorse
till it is my time
and your sorry ass
is mine

i loosen off my ego
peel off where i have been
strip off my bloody bandages
naked nite
might be a beginning

when i was a drunk man
i would fall into your path
watch you from the sidelines
then i'd
shake my sorry ass

fuzzy bear

2009-06-12T02:31:00.000-07:00

been watching u from afar
sussing out what kinda gurl u r
do u bite or do u dare?
go someplace quiet
somewhere
2gether
just u + me
get 2 know each other better
just u + me

i stole these chords from sebadoh
cos i had 2 sing 2 let u know
that i'm a muppet
can't romance 2 save my life
but i say fuck it
let's go jumping into
these beds of fire
oh these beds of fire

last arrow

2009-06-09T07:42:00.000-07:00

last arrow to pierce
lust sorrow
last wish
this livers charred in passions hell
humours awash
can't you tell?

the last arrow has the poison
nihilist fever
no reason
ishq has taken control
smoking heart leaves it's hole

dry season has evaporated my liquid
some bare witness
please someone bare witness
last arrow
lusts sorrow

still permanent

2009-06-09T07:35:00.000-07:00

the trappings of freedom
and the imaginings of the blind
12th round beating
and i can see red velvet stars
the cat has it's cravings
goldfish memory and hope
my daily bread
but no sacrament
my whirr gets fed
my red meat tumors
still permanent

in photos

2009-06-03T10:23:00.000-07:00

if i was afforded the chance
2 really look at u
it is a trip my ego may not return from
my rapture would render me absent
in my meditation of yr beauty
i would fall into a stupor
with a dumb grin on my face
focus
unwanted
and i don't want to scare
so i will look from the corners of my eyes
in the reflection in the window
smell only the trails of yr fragrance in my hallways
look only
in photos

so now u stand b4 me
flat
frozen
abstract
but i can stare
for u cannot return my gaze
this arrangement compliments me
for i know i would drown in the wash from the distance in yr eyes, if i was afforded an expedition there
so i glance at u on the screen
what do i see?
the cathode-ray rainbows u
the swell of yr smile
yr oven-baked cheeks
yr eyes alive in that moment
yr grace flows from the screen
over me
and i am filled with the knowledge of yr presence in this world
like faith
one that i feel
the surge MDMA in its intent
burning thru my byways
and all i can feel is

goodness

and hope

and relief

it is an abstract love
for i am an abstract man
but it is

love

in photos

untitled poems

2009-06-03T10:21:00.000-07:00

when there is no context the rest of it becomes impressionist
i did my best
lord, you know i tried
i left your house an age ago
i leased my ruby, to the acrobats from the south
i am lost in this
my leaf transparent
i do not have what you have
---

coca cola
invented love
for an ad campaign
the models holding hands
the pretence
in the shy smile
---
the sunset in wait
a dark tiger night
the last of the glow
purple
just a trace of the hum
orange

the kingdom might be his
an empty chamber
a minstrel on his left shoulder
a madman on his right

the dark tiger
he has seen them made pets
but he forgets
and brings the quiet to his knees
feed tonight on a destiny
free and tactile
nestled in creeks
the flute on the wind
comet passing by
the scent on her pillow
a moment late
a fractured grasp
just a shadow
too much to ask
---

i want to be a romantic
and feel daggers thrust in my heart
and the ecstasy of its removal

i want to be a bartender
and drunk you with my words
take advantage of the blurs through poetry goggles

i don't want to be a garbage man
picking up their crap
the refuse
of abuse
of free willed living

and i'll never be a popstar
to be idoled and admired
to have love so carelessly thrust upon

i have become
and been
and will be
what i am
an island
a bubble in your beer

now i have to be a soldier
with armory and defences
my will of self
affirmation of foetal curls
whatever
---

the shadow words
that live in caves
and stay silent till they scream
and echo
and reverb against hollow walls
ping pong till they pop with anxiety

the most pointless of emotions
shadow distance harboraging the blood cyclone
the lack of
the never be brewing bile and discontent in the liver
the colour of nothing
the taste of defeat
the smell of hopelessness

i crawl into the quarter circle
never quite whole
never quite near
but beneath i am racked
my extremities pulled like hooked latex
every slight wrenches
i fall beneath
this skin, these muscles tensing
mean nothing
have no context anymore

and then those echoes feed back till they short circuit
till hopeful deafness
till i can only hear absence without context
---

days of wait
conversations in anticipation
i hear your footsteps
but they never stop at my door
and in the shadows i hear you walk
the smallest slight can scalpel
i am mute
stunned by my fears
my stupidity
my never be
never go from go to be
never be

and i will voyeur
linger in line
by the side
on the dance floor
myself and my groove
i have lost one
dropped from my pocket

i want too much
i want the normal
i ask too much of this mortal fate
my ache lets off the foulest of odors
like wet socks in the garden
but when i notice doorways
i become the watcher
i stalk and lurk

i'm sorry to make you uncomfortable
to piss into this champagne friendship
i am sorry i am a man
target your hole but i don't
but i am branded a man
---

i want to get inside
i want you inside
you make me want to be truthful
to be thoughtful
i want to hear the softness of your breathes
the signs between your steps
i want to see your eyes upon awake
but i wait

the blessed nurses in the naked houses

2009-06-03T10:19:00.002-07:00

can hear the disappointment becoming

in your nursing tone voice
i'm sorry to have to make you
i'm sorry to have to make you
i'm sorry to have to make you
let me down

what of my vaudeville presence can you see
my cameras don't work
i can't replay my werther scene
what is it you see?

and from the fires of 99
i somehow made it across this land
torn asunder with burdens and curses
born to wonder, i burnt the verses
turned to plunder
naked houses
i am islanded

i can pretend i don't give a fuck
but reality has rot
doubt eats the light
you're meant to step into the light
to let love see you in clear view
but i'm nobodies fool
i've geniused my tools
the grey can paint this pink, ceramic, piss-bowl view

and between the devil and the deep blue sea
lies heaven of acceptance
lies heaven of balance
lies heaven of transcendence
and if i could be blessed
what would i have?
if i could be blessed
what would i be?
if i could be blessed
would you come wake me?
i'll fall under the slumber
lullabied by horns and harps
those damn saintly grooves
those damn saintly grooves

keep up the manufacture of my own promises
it's the silence, it's the distance
my form will get all blistered
it'll explode and be my witness
to the predestined, the historined and the twisted
ishq has taken control
let me fall into the fever
ishq has taken control
let me fall into the fever
let it reaper my hope
bleed into this taste of a soul
cos it's not gonna happen
cos it's not gonna happen
you can only save yourself

food

2009-06-03T10:19:00.001-07:00

the shout inside my chest

these echoes that never rest
singing of this mess i'm in
the skin all hollow
untouched
threadbare soul
thread hang onto holes
in logic, in faith
the aftertaste of ashes
charred waste of youth
induced birth
breached the boundaries
surrounded with conscience
dare you not to be selfish
see if it takes
i've been afforded too much time to change
i've fought for nothing
what muscles i had
have withered away
life has atrophied
so i know where i will be
devil in the ground
mourned for his nature
gentle bear
i thought he cared
but it was his ruse
don't lay roses
let the vultures come
to be of use
food
survive for the winter
on this form
it could not be simpler
it is why we are all born
to be food
to be of use
food

passmeby

2009-06-03T10:18:00.001-07:00

gilded youth
pass me by
consumptive truth
pass me by
your fractured view
pass me by
the tall of passing
the other class
underpass
train-line cast
the acrobats from the south
do not notice
no footprint
this wasted gaze
lost for this prince
and there are other invisibles
they will have
no biography
no memories formed of me or you
blind and put on notice

knot goodbye just a lobotomy

2009-06-03T10:16:00.000-07:00

i can't give you the love you desire

my gentle stream evaporates by your willows' pyre
so i will relay a message by our town crier
i'm done, monk me up
i can no longer run, i'm too fucked up
i will leave my address on my still beating heart
scoop me up off the floor, send me back to the start
i was hoping for longer
i was hoping for more

i wish this knot goodbye
it's burning holes in my life
like i'm burning holes in my lungs
this has all been done before
the inherited burden
and the penchant for hurting
i wish to stop my learning